When to Stick in a Relationship and When to Tear Away
Dating never leads to short-term commitment 100% of the time (let alone marriage or lifelong partnership), so it’s essential for all human beings to know what characterizes a date who is worth going all in or compromising for. The book Dating Radar concludes that all humans have blind spots when it comes to spotting trouble ahead, especially when it comes to things like charm and sexuality. Please read the info and insights below so you’ll know when to eject from a relationship and when to strap yourself in for a lifelong ride.
According to Dr. Gail Saltz, New York City psychiatrist and TODAY contributor, this is a sign that one or both partners sees the relationship as a whole in a less than positive light. This “is a hard thought train to reverse,” so you’re probably better off moving on and moving forward.
#2: Conspicuous charm.
Research indicates that approximately 80% of people are persuaded by outgoing charm at first, but put-off by it as more time passes. It all comes down to knowing that the person you’re dating is genuine (and always has been).
If it always seems like there’s an elephant in the room, sexologist and sex coach Amy Levine argues that, “Avoiding the conversation, whether it’s about sex or something else, can lead to one or both partners feeling a range of negative emotions even if on a sub-conscious level. And if they are in La La Land and putting up a front that all is OK at home, playing this game in and of itself can be exhausting and take its toll.”
#4: Faux compatibility.
Similar research indicates that about 70% of individuals experience the sensation of “extreme compatibility” at first, but these feelings and emotions dissipated quickly because the behavior which induced the sensations also tended to rapidly dissipate: “The person initially, for a short time, seemed to take an interest in things that were important to me or close to me. The interest quickly changed after the relationship had solidified.”
#5: Other people usually come before the other partner.
Therapist and author Andrew G. Marshall explains that, “If you put your children first, day in and day out, you will exhaust your marriage.” The same logic applies to putting friends, other family members, and other loved ones before your partner on a regular basis.
#6: Intense sexual attraction—initially.
The research cited also indicates that 47% of people would actually risk their careers and statuses in order to satisfy their immense initial attraction: “She gave the impression that she was a good church girl who didn’t sleep around. In fact, she outright said it during dinner, but later began kissing and groping me, and begged me to take her to my place. So I did.” However, this intense attraction usually doesn’t last once the enticing fruit has been tasted or consumed as desired.
It’s natural to think about an ex or exes from time to time, but if it happens on a regular basis, it could be a sign that your present partner should become a past partner as well. It’s not a sure thing, but it’s definitely something to consider and remedy if needed.
#8: Sexual desires and needs aren’t the same.
As per relationship specialist Cathy Meyer, “Whether it is him or you that has lost interest, a lack of regular intimacy in a marriage is a bad sign. Sex is the glue that binds, it is the way us adults play and enjoy each other.”
PsychologyToday (main image)